OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
