The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
