P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm having to shit out rocks
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
