belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
