it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Jerry, you need to find god
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
