make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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