I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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