Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
