Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
