need another drink. this is the easiest way
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
