she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
