I'm really into asian looking animals
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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