Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize