she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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