she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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