I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
