I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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