i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
