I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
