when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
