Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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