So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
