Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
