I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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