he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize