I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
People in love make me want to vomit
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Randomize
