So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
