i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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