Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
