New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
