I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize