Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
