I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
