and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
