dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
