:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The Olympian is in my bed
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
