i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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