I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
