Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
