i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
