Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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