How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
