the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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