I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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