If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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