YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
