do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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