Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
