I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
