Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
