Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
