Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
