I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
