It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
