YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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