I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i love accidental penises.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
