hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
