before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
