That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
