he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
