i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
