I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
BRING THE BAGELS
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
