Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
