Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
