i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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